Yes I am still here. Never ceasing my studies of great artist, to spite the painting I am accomplishing, I have not had anything to say and everything to say. Not long ago, my friend Fran exclaimed, during one of my enthusiastic rants about the artist I was studying or a point of history, "You are just a sponge"
And so it is, my ongoing study and painting have brought me much joy.
To spite the joy that it brings me, I have been in ruff patch, specifics are not necessary for the story. I have been immobilized. My voice silent. So putting together something I think someone would like to hear about, or possibly learn from in a blog, was to say the least,questionable and risky, with the consequence of public humiliation. So I opted silent.
Cezanne has been a great comfort to me during this internal battle I have been waging for the past few months. I could identify with him more than any artist since I started this blog and although I have not written about every artist, I have learned about many, but there is something about Cezanne that is so pure.
I know, that seems like a strange choice of descriptive words to connect to Cezanne, but, Paul Cezanne was all about the work. He went in the direction in which his nature prescribes for him.
This meant alot to me. I have a tendency to compare myself to everyone. And in this act of comparing myself and measuring myself according to other people, I am not connected to my nature and then that makes it hard to paint from the heart.
He practiced his craft and searched for his own style. This tells me "Keep searching". Wow, that has been my quest for a very long time. And I knew I was searching but I did not know what I was looking for. I looked at the popular art, and found myself following that path for a few years. Then I went the commercial route, what is going to sell, paint that.
The whole thing reminds me of that song in urban cowboy, "Lookin for love in all the wrong places", except my song would be, Lookin for my style in all the wrong faces.
So, Cezanne has been for me, a friend.
He was firm in his belief and in his purpose. An artist with unique vision, he tried to make a unique contribution to the form.
Cezanne believed being an artist is serious, solid, intellectual and physical work.
This comforts me. To be able to go to someone, even if they are not with us anymore, and ask, What do you have to teach me.
They seem to be the only ones with any time to spare.
Cezanne said,
" we must not be satisfied with retaining the beautiful formulas of our illustrious predecessors, let us go forth and study nature , let us free our minds from them. let us strive to express ourselves according to our individual temperament."
He strove for perfection only for the satisfaction of becoming truer and wiser.
quote from Cezanne's Grandson, " when you listen to music, you don't know how to write notes or anything like that, you hear the music and you feel well or not well,and it is the same with the painting but with your eyes. And it is the same thing with a poem, you have emotion. and that is what the painter tried to give you."
This was a true breakthrough for me in how I relate to my work. And that is what is is all about. My relationship with my creative expression. And so if I am trying to see me through your eyes, or measuring my work through my perception of your work then I am unable to express myself according to my individual temperament.
Do I feel well or not well about this form or that form. do I feel well or not well with this color or that color.
I feel very well learning.
I had a Grandmother, we called Grandma Dodge. My family has always given me the compliment, that, I am just like her. I wish I was more like her. One thing we do have in common and that is our love for learning. I saw that in Cezanne.
